Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dick very happy bro
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
