if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
