oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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