dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
