the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
