Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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