i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
