her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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