fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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