At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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