woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
