Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
