he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
