38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There r osticjed everywhere
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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