my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize