i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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