allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
