I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
