Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
