I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
