I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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