Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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