Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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