Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
