What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
