guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
