Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize