my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
