i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
