the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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