i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
