I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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