if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
