we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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