One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
