Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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