good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
