and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
