i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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