this boner is exhausting
I understand Curling. That high.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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