yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize