I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
