two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
