I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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