In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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