I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize