i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
