You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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