Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize