We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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