grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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