Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
