did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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