Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
