I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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