filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
