Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
