thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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