dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
