My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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