how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
