I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
