sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
