the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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