she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
