I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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