I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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