Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
