I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
