I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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