You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
