so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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