You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
