the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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