I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
