Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
