...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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