I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
