i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
