I wish I only lived at night.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
