I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
