ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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