just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
