peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
