So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
