bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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