I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
