so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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