Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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