And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I want to be your penis for a week.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
