i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
