You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
