He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
