I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
