He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
