If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
