As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
