Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
