Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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