Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
