Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize