Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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